Happy New Year! You have made it to the last day of your first week of 2019! Congratulations!
Some of you have committed to a healthier lifestyle for this year. This may be your emotional health, including your right to enforce boundaries in relationships. You all know at least one pushy person who persistently ignores your desires as to how you wish to be treated. He or she assumes that you don’t know what’s best for you, to the end that your relationship is tested. Feeling rejected and devalued you come to realize that the relationship is toxic.
When you’ve tried to share, in conversation with this person, he or she has cut you off mid-sentence leaving you with the feeling that what they have to say is more important than what you have to say—or at least they seem to think so! Their ego has slowly turned your frustration to infuriation since you’ve repeatedly explained your feelings to them, to no avail. Their constant “advice” doesn’t provide workable solutions because this know-it-all type hasn’t allowed you to fully explain yourself. You come to realize, resolutely, that they don’t really know you, therefore they can’t help you. You come to realize in letting go that that’s okay.
You may have started this new year determined to leave behind all annoying people who just don’t seem to get you. You think “leave behind” because you’d purposed at midnight 2018 that you would no longer allow people who don’t serve your life goals to invade your personal space. Period. Not only do they not add to your life, but they detract from your purpose in life.
In your mind, you’ve imagined how to let them down easy when that impending text or phone call comes. You want to be easy with them because there’s no sense in you carrying 2018’s frustration into 2019. You’re ready this time. You’ve had enough, and your sentiment has been confirmed by the three—count ‘em—THREE Facebook posts you’ve read regarding your decision. Lit, you think those perfect, spot on memes that you’ve both “loved” and “shared” are adequate confirmation for you to separate yourself for the sake of your sanity. You secretly hope that the memes may also serve to prepare the other for the imminent change in your relationship. After all, they don’t let you talk, so maybe they’ll read… Precisely at midnight, December 31, 2018, you commit that in 2019 you will live your life affirmed! LYLA! You promise that you won’t let yourself down.
Satisfied with your decision, you’ve moved on, congratulating yourself on sticking to your guns through the first week of 2019! Then there’s that challenging knock on your door. Looking out the window you see their car. Anxiety attempts to set in, but you remind yourself of your right to personal boundaries. You recall those approving Facebook memes… You remember how you’d promised yourself that you’d stand your ground… Still, in fear, you consider ignoring the knock… Thinking quickly, you decide that you can say you were in the shower… The mental battle continues for a moment before you resolve to assert yourself instead of hedging. Pulling on your big kid panties you open the door…
This is just an example of the struggles some of us have had with letting go. It could be the former, or it could be something else, but my intimation is that despite the struggle you can let go. If your situation is dangerous, obtain reinforcements, whether legal, spiritual, friends and family, or all the above. Seek whatever aids you need to continue living affirmed. Determine, without apology, to do what is healthy for you.
Many of us have family members that we must love from afar. As much as our hearts have sought fulfillment in the relationships we’ve imagined, that person’s actions have consistently shown that they don’t share the same sentiment. You may know what the problem is, and with the best of intentions have attempted to make amends, but if your loved one is not aware and engaged, you must let go.
Letting go does not have to feel like failure. If you’re an extreme finisher, like me, letting go may feel like you’re quitting. Because you possess bulldog tenacity and relentless faith, you may grapple between sound wisdom and giving in to what your heart wants. In the case of letting go it is best to stick with what your mind is telling you to do. It is your mind that holds the memories of what has transpired. Your heart holds the imaginings of what hasn’t—time after time. You must be true to yourself.
3 TIPS FOR LETTING GO
- PREPARE Be ready to arm yourself against sabotage. Because you don’t want to let go of your ideal, you could be the worst enemy to your success. Arm yourself with powerful, biblical affirmations to buttress your stance in letting go. Write the scriptures on sticky notes or note cards to affix to key places that are in plain view
(e-mail will subscribers receive the helpful affirmation “Letting Go,” free of charge). When self-sabotage tempts, recite the words before you. In so doing, you will speak life to your intentions and death to your doubts. “Temptation comes from our own desires, which entice us and drag us away” (James 1:14, NLT). Take authority over the temptations that will lead to defeat, by speaking the word of God, “Lead us not into temptation” (Matthew 6:13, KJV).
- PRAY Because you are doing what is best for you, your heavenly Father will support you in your plan for emotional and spiritual health. In talking to him, you are consulting with your greatest advocate. He is your Creator who has created you with a specific purpose in mind. Discovering what your purpose is; aka, knowing who you are in the earth and what you should be doing in the earth, is fully known to God. He shares your intentionality to improve the quality of your life. Moreover, nobody loves you more than he does. Praying takes your attention off your weaknesses and redirects your focus to God’s strength and ability in you. “Hallowed be thy name” acknowledges his sovereignty over the world and all that is (Matthew 6:9b, KJV). Start your prayer by acknowledging him as the wholly other Ruler of all things and your problem will diminish in size and strength by the time you finish praying! It will also enable you to pray skillfully and lovingly for the person you’re letting go of. Some people are the way they are because they have an unloving spirit; therefore, your prayerful intercession will help them to be set free from their issues, as well, furthering the possibility of a healthy reunion one day. What you desire may well be accomplished through the change in your perspective as you love the person or persons from afar through prayer. It is an effective, loving act.
- PICK AND CHOOSE YOUR BATTLES In letting one go, versus “cutting” one off, you are simply releasing him or her to a higher power for the benefit of you both. It is a selfless act versus a selfish act. To cut is to let go, but to release is let-ting go. Cutting is unlovingly dismissive. It can be construed as cruelly or willfully hurtful—but releasing is letting go for the betterment of all involved. It concedes that separation is necessary for individual, independent growth. Letting go means your boundaries include loving them from afar through your sincere prayer and well wishes. This includes forgiving them, being gracious and merciful in your thoughts toward them, being cordial with them (e.g., when circumstances dictate you be at the same places at the same times—especially true with family members or exes whom you share children with), and continuing to strengthen them, and yourself, through tips 1 and 2. Letting go is a process.
Determine to be successful in the changes you will make in 2019 taking the time to attend to your personal needs through reading and studying positive materials rooted in the wisdom of the B. I. B. L. E.. Day 7 represents the completion of week one. 51 more weeks to go! Knowing that you have an Advocate for your success commands that spending quality time with him is absolutely necessary. Wake up greeting him before any other, “Good morning Holy Spirit.” He’s always willing to hang out with you.
My love language is primarily Quality Time. As a writer and communicator, communing with God is natural for me—even my primal need. Your love language may be Words of Affirmation or Receiving Gifts, or one of the others. I assure you that all that you need to live affirmed in this world is available through a healthy relationship with God the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. As you are a triune being, what you need to succeed in life is in the triune being of the Holy Trinity, to attend to every one of your needs–spiritual, emotional, and physical.
Happy New Year 2019! May you prosper in spiritual growth.
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